End of the Month Reflection – October 2023

Hello!  We are at the end of October already!  I hope that this end of the month check-in finds you all well.

For my academic EFS clients (and parents), school is well under way.  We are working to identify best planning and prioritizing strategies as we navigate schedules and preferences.  Many of you are still resistant to having a planner, but all have acknowledged the importance of somehow/somewhere writing down what needs to get done and when it is due.  Using a google calendar, the notes app, or even a planning app like Tiimo, Evernote, or Thrusday could be motivation to start managing your schedule better. ( Even if right now you are keeping your head above water, creating a routine around how you plan and organize your days will serve you moving forward when things get hard.)  If anyone wants to spend a session or two exploring these options together, just say the word. I have a lengthy list of planning tools.  In the meantime, our sessions together enable you to focus on your assignments coming up, organize, plan, and prioritize your schedule, and analyze what is working for you (and what isn’t working).  

We have talked a good deal about the “dangers” of multitasking, and I know that many of you are trying very hard to put your phones to the side when you are doing hw and studying.  Using the Freedom app or the Forest app can help with that too.  As humans, we are designed to focus on ONE THING at a time.  Switching between tasks (or checking your phone during tasks) result in significantly measurable attention deficits.

 

  1. Multitasking is associated with harm to our brains.
  2. Multitasking can lead to memory problems.
  3. Multitasking can lead to increased distractibility.
  4. Multitasking increases chronic stress.
  5. Multitasking increases depression and social anxiety.
  6. Multitasking makes you less productive and less efficient.
  7. You are missing out on the NOW … you are missing out on life when you allow multitasking to become a habit in your life.

For my general EFS clients (and parents), we have also discussed the importance of focusing on one thing at a time.  We will continue to establish meaningful, attainable, measurable GOALS during our sessions.  It is so important that you come to our sessions with ideas on what you would like me to help you with – and together we will create an action plan with steps for you to get there.

For my Habits & Happiness clients (and parents), I feel like we have covered too much to even attempt to list here.  Your motivation to actively and purposefully shift your day-to-day lives to align with what makes you feel more balanced, more authentic, and more joy is truly commendable.  It is a process, as we have discussed.  There will be steps forward, AND steps back…and that is okay.  I am here to walk beside you, help you to understand what it is that you really want in life, and serve as your accountability partner as you commit to living your best life.  Let’s continue to set goals, be flexible thinkers, give ourselves grace, and be mindful of the GOOD that is around us.

As mentioned in my previous monthly check-in, the majority of my EFS parents get copies of the session notes and you all are very in the know.  For my Habits & Happiness clients (parents), that isn’t typically the case.  Often what is discussed is most appropriate to be shared by my client and not necessarily  by me. That said, please never hesitate to reach out if you have questions or concerns.  

(If you are unsure if your parents get our session notes, feel free to ask me.  You know how I am – no secrets!  If you are questioning if they do get the notes though, my guess would be that they DON’T.)

Referrals – Thank you so much to the folks that have been sharing my name, number, and website.  Almost all of my clients have come from word of mouth, and for that I am extremely grateful.  Although my schedule is pretty packed right now, I would be thrilled if you continue to share my info.  I will do my best to accommodate those that reach out, and I can certainly share resources and suggestions to those individuals that I am unable to fit into my current weekly schedule.  The bottom line is that SO MANY teens and young adults could use this kind of support, but too often parents don’t even know that it is available.  As of right now, I *should* be calling it full for high school students, but I do have daytime slots available for college folks and Habits & Happiness clients.

Finally, I wanted to remind everyone that I will be away from XXX.  I will also be taking the Wednesday – Friday of Thanksgiving week off.  November invoices will reflect this change in session totals.

Wishing you a wonderful day.

Warmly,

Michelle

Make no mistake that the things you say to yourself in the privacy of your own mind matters.

https://mbrockcoaching.com/blog-musing/our-patterns-of-unhelpful-thinking/

 

End of the Month Reflection – September 2023

Happy Fall everyone!! Here is a sneak peak at the reflection report that went home this month… Communication is so important!

It is officially FALL!  I love this time of year so much.  As a teacher for so many years, September always feels like a fresh start to me…a time to reset…a time to create new goals.  I’ve heard it said that January resolutions are about WILL whereas September resolutions are about AUTHENTIC WANTS.  What do YOU want more of or less of in your life??

At the end of each month, I will be sending you a reflection on the month’s sessions.  Many of you receive and read my notes for every session each week so you are already very “in the know” as far as how coaching is going.  Some of you will come to rely only on these monthly check-ins.  Either way, please never hesitate to reach out to me with any questions, concerns, requests, etc.  

It is always good to pause and ask yourself For What Purpose…so today I want you to think about that answer as it relates to coaching.  Ask yourself (and the individual working directly with me) what the purpose is of our coaching AND is it making a difference/helping?  Is there something you wish could happen that isn’t happening?  Should I shift my focus for October?  (You will see what I have been focusing on below…)

For me, coaching is a vehicle to remind others that connection is key, mistakes create growth, and taking responsibility in the day-to-day is the way to ultimate empowerment.  I want my clients to know their worth, have strategies/tools to support their goals, trust that I am here to hold space/ask tough questions/provide accountability, AND to remember that life is happening right now – IN THE NOW – and it is so worth the ride.  I see my job as a way to help my clients identify goals, understand what they need to do to achieve those goals, how to structure their days to foster growth toward those goals, and lift them up helping them to build their self/esteem/self-worth along the way.

As we take this journey together, it would be so appreciated if you could encourage (the individual working with me) to read and respond to the session notes that I send after every time that we meet.  Those notes are to reinforce what was discussed and also serve as an action plan.

At the beginning of September, I wrote down where I felt I needed to focus for each of my clients.  To give you a little overview of my days, here are some of those areas – Perception/Prioritizing; Prioritizing/Follow-Through; Awareness; Growth/Independence; Gratitude/Self-Worth; Consistency; Grounding; Organization/Follow-Through… 

For xxxxxxx, we have been focusing on…

At this point, the report becomes very specific to the individual working with me.  I share some details about  what is going well and what goals are established moving forward.  I also include a screenshot of grades here for my EFS clients whose parents chose not to get copies of weekly session notes.  It is essential that the families I work with know that I really am a part of the TEAM.

 

Tips and Tools to Start the Year

 

Welcome to the new academic year!!

This is such a great opportunity to start fresh, and I am so thrilled to be joining you for the ride!

**What do you want 2023/4 to look like?**

Here are some things for you to ponder as you enter this next stage.  Remember that having some kind of planner/organizer is an important component on this journey.  We will explore options together in our sessions.

Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy (These are some tips that I pulled from the book.)

  • Set the table – Decide exactly what you want to accomplish. Write down your goals in your planner.
  • Organize your tasks by value and priority. (Ask yourself – Is it more important for me to organize my room/closet, or get this schoolwork done now?)
  • Prepare BEFORE you begin. Be sure you have everything you need at your desk each morning. (Be sure you are not working in your bed/bedroom.)
    • Eat breakfast
    • Coffee/tea/water
    • Phone put to the side
  • Do the most dreaded task (top priority) FIRST

Feeling anxious or stuck?

4-7-8 Breathing Method

  • The 4-7-8 technique forces the mind and body to focus on regulating the breath, rather than replaying your worries. It can soothe a racing heart or calm frazzled nerves. It has been described as the natural tranquilizer for the nervous system.

Cold water in your face:

  • The diving reflex – sends a signal to your body and IMMEDIATELY lowers your heart rate
  • All of this happens as a reflex; there’s no conscious thought required. The parasympathetic nervous system take care of it for you. If your anxiety is spiking and you’re approaching a panic attack or you’re feeling totally deregulated, this could be a quick way to settle things down in the body.

Struggling to stay on task while working?

Interval timer – The purpose is not to take a break every five or ten minutes, but to reel you BACK IN if you have gotten distracted. It is a reminder to reset if needed. The little alarm will sound and you will know that you’ve only wasted a few minutes before your reset, rather than 45 minutes!

Feeling like there are not enough hours in a day?

Look at your daily schedule and chunk your time. Maybe every Tuesday from 2 to 4 you are free. Make that time STUDY time regardless of what assignments are coming up. There is always material to review!

Choose a place (OUTSIDE of your bedroom/home preferably) to go to during that time.

Do you get sucked into scrolling/social media/phone time?

Download and try out the Forest app.

https://www.forestapp.cc/

Do you think it would help to have an accountability partner WHILE you are doing hw assignments and such?

Check out Focusmate

https://www.focusmate.com/  

AND REMEMBER – I am here to help you, support you, cheer you on, and serve as your accountability partner as you take on life and crush your goals!

FEAR

We all experience fear.  Some of us hide it better than others…but it is universal.   Fear is a response to a tangible threat happening IN THE MOMENT.  Anxiety is worrying about something that is rooted in the past or projected into the future.  Although fear and anxiety are different, they are certainly related.

So what does “fear” mean?

FEAR – False Emotions Appearing Real

FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR – Forget Everything And Run

Or maybe…just maybe…

FEAR – Face Everything And Rise

When we are afraid or anxious, our fight-or-flight instincts kick in.  Often times, we run.  This can cause avoidance, isolation, and increased anxiety. Here’s the thing, though – we can train ourselves to acknowledge that instinct to run…while also placing our feet firming on the ground, honoring our grit, and choosing to stand IN IT and persevere.  Grit develops your tenacity, no doubt.

So how do you overcome fear?  There is no easy answer here.  There is no go-to list that will speak to all fear.  But there are strategies and tools that can help you as you learn, grow, and evolve.

1 – Identify and acknowledge the fear.  Know that it is normal and okay.  Ask yourself how much of this fear is REAL.  (Sometimes you will realize it is anxiety about the unknown instead, but other times it certainly is very real…) Take time to think about it. Is it fear of uncertainty? Fear of failure? What is the story you tell yourself about why you just can’t overcome this fear? This time to contemplate can be extremely eye-opening.

2 – Develop an actionable plan to address this fear.  What can you do TODAY to move a little closer to overcoming this?  Ask yourself, if you accomplish this small goal, how will it make you feel?  Visualize that experience.  Will that outcome (short and/or long term) override the challenge(s) you might face by overcoming this fear?

3 – Recognize your excuses.  Identify your priorities.  Habit stack. Schedule.  Make time.

4 – Surround yourself with people who will push you to achieve your goals.  Get a coach who will help hold you accountable.  Meet up with others that have growth mindset.  Be flexible.  Be willing to shift your perspective.

5 – Accept that things might get harder before they get easier.  You have this fear for a reason – it is your body/mind warning you that pain may come… Do it anyway.  Remember that if you risk nothing, you risk everything.

6 – Visualize your goal.  Get clear on what you want.  Take time to really see/feel/experience what life will be once you conquer this fear.

7 – Know that failure is a given.  As someone recently said to me, fail forward.  Failure is often a better teacher than success. If you accept from the onset that failure is an inevitable part of success, you will be less afraid of it. Failure can provide you with valuable learning experiences that will positively impact strategies moving forward.

8 – Practice mindfulness. Observe your feelings of fear without judgement.  Making this a habit will raise your self-awareness, and it eventually will lead you away from things you typically do when you experience fear. It helps get you out of your rut.

9 – Use humor to deflate your worst fears. Allow yourself to think of the most out there and ridiculous things that connect to your given fear, and let yourself laugh at the absurdity of it.

10 – Use affirmations. “Every time I don’t allow fear to keep me from doing something that scares me, I am making myself stronger and less likely to let the next fear attack stop me.”

At the other side of fear is FREEDOM.  It take courage to face our fear(s), it is sometimes painful to push through, but it is truly always worth it when you are on the other side.

A New Look at “Filling Your Cup”

https://youtu.be/whNj5tUskS0

The other day I was doing some reading and I came across this excerpt on how important it is to fill your own cup before you pour into others’.  I love this concept and I think it is ESSENTIAL that we remember to take care of ourselves…but the notion of taking care of ourselves for the sole purpose of then taking care of (or filling the cups of) others…well, it seems a little skewed.

Why set ourselves up to have nothing (feel depleted) and need to go refill again… INSTEAD we should give others our overflow when it is available.  There should not be a constant need to empty our own cups!

I love this idea.

Take care of yourself.  Figure out what fills your cup.  What makes you smile?  What do you get lost in when given the opportunity?  Hiking?  Painting?  Sports?  Dancing?  Reading?  Cooking?

Listen, life is wacky and, of course, there will be times when your cup seems empty.  Sometimes things are just hard.  In those moments, try to shift your perspective and find gratitude where you can.

For the regular day-to-day routines, though…before you say YES to someone else, take inventory of where you are and how you feel.  Will saying yes fill you up or deplete you?  If you are not in a state of overflow, you may want to push pause to return to YOU.

 

Coaching Vs. Therapy

It is so important that my clients understand that coaching is not therapy.

In Habits and Happiness coaching, I focus heavily on understanding what it is that my clients TRULY want in life, and then we CREATE manageable action plans to get there.  More often that not, my clients have an idea of what they want, but they struggle to commit themselves to making the necessary shifts/changes in their day-to-day lives.  They find it challenging to motivate themselves to carve out the time to fully understand the steps they will need to take to experience lasting change.  When you team up with me as a coach, that time is built in weekly to focus on YOU.  Here is what you can count on if you choose to work with me…

  • It will sometimes feel like a class/workshop. You will be asked to do some deep dives. You will need to be open to putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)!  We will explore your goals and get a clear understanding of what you will need to do to move toward that vision.
  • In each session we will create an ACTION PLAN for you to focus on that week.  That AP will have small, manageable, broken down steps for you to take to start making changes/progress immediately.
  • You will have someone by your side rooting you on!  Research shows that having an accountability partner is a game changer!  Every action plan will include an accountability piece. Check-ins outside of sessions will happen.
  • We will look at various executive functioning skills to better understand your personal strengths and struggles.
  • You will learn about different strategies and tools that you can use immediately to create routines that set you up for success.
  • After each session, you will receive a document with my notes from the session.  (I am completely transparent.)  You will also get the Action Plan and a note from me summarizing up our time together.  This give you a running record of what you have been working on and makes your goals very clear.
  • And more…!

 

Who are you hanging out with?

Take a look at the five people you spend most of your time with and you will get a good overview of who YOU are…

This often makes people either cringe, laugh, or shift in their seats.  Do the people you spend time with reflect the kind of person you want to be?

One of my morning affirmations is: I surround myself with people that lift me up and remind me of the person I strive to be.

Truth – I am still working on always staying true to this.  It isn’t easy.  But being mindful of it can be a game changer.

Here are a few signs that someone is actually GOOD for your overall wellbeing and mental health –

  1. They put their phone to the side and actually seem interested in what you have to say.
  2. They make time to share space with you.
  3. They enjoy getting to know you as a person and ask meaningful questions.
  4. You don’t have to hide any parts of yourself when you are with them.
  5. You feel safe being totally vulnerable around them.
  6. They understand and respect your personal boundaries…without judgement.
  7. They communicate honestly with you.  They know that you are always doing your best.  They assume positive intentions.
  8. They encourage you to grow as a person.
  9. You feel seen, heard, and appreciated when you are with them.
  10. After time together you feel happy/rejuvenated, NOT depleted/exhausted.

It’s not easy to find these kinds of friends…but they are out there.  Be aware of who your give your time/energy to!!

Finding Gratitude Each Day

 

I met this cutie on a hike today.  He was right in the middle of the trail.  I took it as a sign to slow down and practice gratitude.  I spent time sitting there with him, admiring his shell, the spots on his legs, and his curious eyes. I am so grateful for the beauty and wonder that surrounds animals, and specifically for getting to share space with this turtle today.

When you look for things/moments to be grateful for each day, you WILL find them.  And when you make it a habit to practice gratitude, it will become part of your routine…and it WILL create joy.  I have used a gratitude journal on and off for the past 25 years.  I can say, without hesitation, that it has changed my life.

I also make a point to take mindful walks when I feel inclined to do so.  It is a time to go slow, notice what is around me, breathe deeply, listen to the birds/wind/crickets…and just be.  I cultivate so much gratitude when I am in nature.

Having a gratitude buddy can also be really effective.  This is someone you get matched with (that you likely have never met), and you send each other a message at the end of each day sharing 3 – 5 things you are grateful for.  You will find yourself searching for those things to share as your day goes on, and you will look forward to reading about someone else’s bliss moments each day as well. When you focus on the good, more good will come. (Feel free to reach out to me if you want to be matched with a gratitude buddy!)

The bottom line is that people who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions,  sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems!! It seems like a no-brainer, no?!

 

 

Grounding Yourself and (THEN) Creating a Plan using S. Covey’s Four Quadrants

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5b-Z8RFSUo

This morning I found myself spinning. I have so many moving parts going on in my life at the moment, and I quickly realized that I was not grounded at all. I knew that I needed to bring myself back to the present moment, but sitting in meditation wasn’t going to work for me in the state I was in. So, I decided to go to nature. (In my own inner work, I have identified a few different strategies/tools that work for me when I am losing control of my thoughts…and being in nature is one of them.)

As I was walking through the woods, I intentionally slowed my breathing and looked around for things that might make me smile. I spotted a fox sitting on a log staring at me, and shortly thereafter a garter snake slithered across the path in front of me. (I looked at awe at the fox, and felt some alarm when I spotted the snake!) Being outside in nature always helps me to slow down and ground myself in the moment. I love being surrounded by trees, hearing the birds sing, and feeling both totally alone while also feeling embraced by all that is in that moment.

Although the walk didn’t stop my thoughts from swirling around in my head, it did help me to slow them down a bit and decide on how I can best move forward…

When I got home, I did a brain dump listing all the things that were on my mind. Then I pulled out Stephen Covey’s time management matrix and popped each task into the appropriate quadrant. Now I am about to prioritize and then create an action plan.

Do I feel totally grounded, prepared and relaxed now? Ummm, no. But I AM in a better state than I was this morning. And for that, I am grateful.

We all have days that can feel overwhelming. That is just the reality of life. The key is to recognize these days, apply strategies to help you best manage them, and remember that the chaos will pass.

Our Patterns of Unhelpful Thinking

https://youtu.be/SGuraBvH82I

All too often, we get caught up in patterns of unhelpful thinking and we don’t even realize it!  We spin with worry and anxiety.  Sometimes we only lose a few minutes to these thoughts, but, sadly, these unhelpful thoughts can steal hours or even days.

Take a look at the different types of unhelpful thinking listed here.  Which one(s) do you tend to lose yourself in??

PREDICTING THE FUTURE: When we feel anxious it is common for us to spend much of our time thinking about the future and predicting what could go wrong as supposed to just letting things be. In the end, most of the predictions we’ve made don’t actually happen, and we’ve wasted time and energy being worried and upset about them.

MIND READING: This is when we assume that we know what other people are thinking (usually about us) without any real evidence to suggest it’s true. We can also make assumptions about why someone said something or behaved in a certain way and be quick to conclude that it’s to do with us.

CATASTROPHIZING: People commonly ‘catastrophize’ when they’re anxious. This is when we blow things completely out of proportion and view the situation as a catastrophe even though the problem is actually quite small.

FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVES: When we’re anxious, we commonly develop ‘tunnel vision’ where we focus solely on the negative aspects of situations without considering the positive aspects. Sometimes the whole picture can be colored by a single negative detail.

OVER GENERALIZING: Based on one instance in the past or present, you make the assumption that all others will follow a similar pattern in the future. A sense of helplessness often accompanies such overgeneralizations.

IMAGINING THE WORST CASE SCENARIO: Where we make predictions that the worst-case scenario is going to happen despite the fact that we may have been successful in this area in the past.

Once you are able to identify which of these you tend to fall into, you can start to intentionally shift that mind chatter!

***

“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.” – Mahatma Gandhi